Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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