She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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