in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
