The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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