So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize