Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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