And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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