You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
