I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
