I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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