and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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