Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
