Pappa wants mamma naked
it hurts more in the daytime
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
