I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
its not stalking. its research.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
