eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
