I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
