man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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