Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
