I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
