yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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