I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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