dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
