Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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