Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
