sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
40s are totally the cure
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
