I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
