Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
