Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
