I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
