i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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