My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
