So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to stop coming to work sober
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
