im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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