Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
