Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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