do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
