He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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