I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize