Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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