guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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