guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
