so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
