He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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