I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize