All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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