idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
