my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
