I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize