His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
