HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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