um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Rumble strips road head = magical
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
