my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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