just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
did you just send me my own nude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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