I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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