Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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