went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
