Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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