we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is wine microwaveable?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
