Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
