she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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