There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
