"it" just moved
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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