Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
