I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
