Your tits are I can't wait for
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
