i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
