i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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