Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
