After last night, I could never be a politician.
I faked an abortion last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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