I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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