Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
