i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
