His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i love accidental penises.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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