I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
