But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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