Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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