um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
