I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
