I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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